Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
