She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
