I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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