he was CRYING into my vagina
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
