I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Text me some of your sweat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
