so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
NoShamevember. You game?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
