Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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