I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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