I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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