An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
