kristin has been a bad kristin
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
