I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Someone came in the potted fern
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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