You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
