Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
