And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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