I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
