i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
