you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
