And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
