he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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