Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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