I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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