But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
