you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
