I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
