so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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