I'm eating all of the evidence.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
