How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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