Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
