His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
