his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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