meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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