the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
