Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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