I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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