well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
