I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
