Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
