drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
