Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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