I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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