Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
