Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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