Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
