she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
