what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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