I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
