I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
