Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I touched a dick in church today
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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