dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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