Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
