he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you had me at cake vodka
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
