Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
