i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
