Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
