I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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