Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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