??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
