I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
