How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Send help, water and tortillas.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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