Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
