you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
