i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
