I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
