You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
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she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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