Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
