When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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