Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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