it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
