i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
